If you ask my husband if today's date has any special significance, he will blankly stare at you and say, "No." Nothing more. No probing questions wondering why you would ask such a question. I, on the other hand, would be able to tell you what I was wearing, what Rich was wearing, and a few of the thoughts that ran through my mind on April 26th fifteen years ago. You see, that was the pivotal night that would change the course of my life forever.
So somethings do not change at all. Rich is still the silent type and I am still the animated one. At 23, I was needy, desperate to get married, lacked self-confidence and self-respect. Like every night out with friends, back then, I was putting on makeup and doing my hair to go out on the prowl. I was waiting for my life to start instead of creating my own path. Rich was your typical 24 year old male. He was out with some coworkers and letting the good time come to him. He wasn't looking for a relationship, that's extremely clear and he, unlike me, wasn't worried if that night would be a good time. He knew it would be a good time because he chose to make it so.
For the first year or so, I was the aggressor...okay, the stalker. Back then, pagers were still around and boy did I abuse that technology. Paging him, calling him at all hours just for a smidge of attention. Strategizing as to where my friends and I would go just to run into him. Ahhh, the good ol' days. Rich never got angry or upset at my ridiculous ways. Maybe he found it flattering, who knows. But his lack of ire was all the incentive I needed to continue my pursuit.
Eventually, I did get sick of Rich's lack of emotional investment in me and I accepted the relationship for what it was. I used the relationship to my advantage. I took only what I needed from him and stopped looking for more. Good LORD, what a difference. Suddenly, he was calling ME. I was saying NO to requests to see each other if I had other plans or simply didn't feel like it. And it was not a game or a ploy to garner more attention. I had finally realized that my opinion mattered in my life. I had choices and options. I was enough. Amazing how maturity and self-worth kicked in around 28 years old. Equally amazing is how my maturity and self-confidence impacted the way others treated me.
Rich and I grew much closer during this time. I began to cautiously fall for him. Prior to this time, Rich was just cast in a role. I wasn't longing for Rich to be in my life. I wanted a husband and he was convenient. Now, I was getting to know this quiet man. Those were great days. We had the convenience of being very comfortable with each other as we were falling in love with each other. We had the freedom to wrap our lives around each other and simply be together. We bought a dog, built a house and got engaged. A little bit out of traditional order, but it worked for us.
Even after we were engaged, I think I was unknowingly testing Rich's loyalty. Of course, I only realize this now looking back. I didn't realize I was testing him at the time. Let's face it, I was Ms. Easy-Going-Funny-Girl when I was stalking him and then everyone is awesome when they are falling in love. I would lash out to the extreme to see if that would drive Rich away. He never left. Granted, he didn't cave in to my dramatics either, but he always stayed.
Now, here we are, fifteen years later. We're married, in the house we built with our dog and now two kids of our own, a boy and a girl. They call that a rich man's family, right? Well, we aren't financially rich, but we have a rich life in every other way. Those two incredible kids have taken us to a whole new level in our relationship. We are interchangabley both the coach and the general manager on Team Herman. We've faced some very challenging times together and thankfully, not only have survived, but have come out even stronger.
Our marriage is far from perfect and I don't think we would ever pretend that it is. I am still bitchy and moody and he is still non-communicative and inattentive. We haven't grown to love these traits about each other. We have, however, decided that those traits do not outweigh the good we see in each other. Rich's unending patience and support is far more vital than him looking up from his phone to listen to what I'm telling him. My chronic barking about having to do all of the cleaning, shopping and cooking is lessened by my compassion and generosity.
I am a very honest person. I call it like I see it. I can honestly say that April 26, 1997 was the best day of my life. It set events into motion that would grant me the amazing life I have today. It's an amazing life not because it's all sunshine and roses, but I am blessed and I am grateful for every moment I get to spend with Rich. Here's to the rest of our lives. More than anyone, I love ya babe!
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